Quiet Christmas, maybe next year we'll travel!

Christmas for us has always been a big family event. Usually back in the UK Christmas would start on Christmas eve with ice skating, buffet lunch at Pizza Hut, church, driving around looking at the Christmas lights, nibble food for dinner and one present for each child. My mum often stayed the night with us.

Christmas day like most households would start with the pitter patter of dangerously excited feet at around 5am. We would lay for as long as possible trying to ignore excited voices emptying stockings and comparing what they received. At some point we'd be forced to come have a look at their new treasures. We would always wait until 7am though to go downstairs. Once down though the kids would play with the presents Santa left on the couch for them while we groggily prepared bagels or muffins or croissants for breakfast along with endless cups of tea for my mum and we would stick the pre-prepared turkey in the oven.

The morning would pass with excited children running around, us cooking and trying to organize space, my mum making an effort to keep the kids out of our way. The kids were excited for their toys, but equally excited for family to arrive.
Sometime around 1130am family would arrive. My husbands parents, at least one of his siblings, usually two and sometimes a cousin. We would lunch and laugh, wear silly hats and tell jokes from our Christmas crackers and eventually when no-one could eat another bight, we would return to the living room for a short rest and coffee before starting the giving of gifts. This often seemed to take most of the afternoon between chatting, playing games, topping up drinks and helping ourselves to desserts. Finally sometime around 8-9pm people would start to make their way home. But this was not the end...

Boxing day (Dec 26th) we had options, sometimes we went to my husbands sisters home, and sometimes to one of my aunts homes where everyone from my family would congragate for lunch and drinks and the older generations tradition of giving calendars to one another.
If we didn't go to G's sisters home on the 26th, we would go on the 27th and stay the night. His parents and other siblings would also go as she had a home big enough for all of us and they have kids the same ages as ours, so there were always cousins for the kids to play with. For the kids this was one of the best parts of Christmas. More gifts would then be given, more drinks drunk, more chatting, laughing and general merriment. So was our Christmas every year for several years anyhow. At least 4 days of solid Christmas...

We always knew this year would be different and so we invited my brother who lives in Canada to spend the holiday with us, we also had planned for my mum to come... but as I said in another post, she died unexpectedly in the summer.
We were excited by the idea of having snow, playing in it and just being able to see it at Christmas. We went about arranging fun activities for around Christmas and bought a few extra presents knowing there would be less and hoping it might distract the kids from the lack of cousins and aunts and uncles: Christmas eve my brother was with us, we did manage to go skating, had a Panera bread lunch, went to church and drove round to see lights, we had a nibble dinner and kids opened one gift... so all in all it was fairly normal...

Christmas day also started as usual with excited children opening stockings at a ridiculously early hour and coming down at 7am for Santa's gifts and breakfast, but after that it all felt very different. No urgency with the meal or to keep the place tidy. No excitement for family arriving.
Lunch was good, we wore silly hats, read jokes from crackers and ate too much but it was not the same, it was quiet! Presents were opened quickly and the kids had fun playing with their toys, but at some stage each of the girls said they missed their family and it didn't feel like Christmas.

Boxing day we made a big meal, played games, drank... but it was quiet. No getting dressed nice to see family, no-one new to chat to, no cousins for the kids. On the 27th we went shopping of all things and went to a medieval dinner in the evening, that was fun but not Christmassy at all. On the 28th my brother flew home.
Our usual 4-5 days of full on family Christmas was reduced to little more than a day. Im sulking a lot... we are all sulking a lot! If we ever missed our family, this was the moment we knew just how much. Giving the kids extra presents made no difference.... because Christmas is about family and not gifts and if they didn't know that before, they know it now!

It was hard, it was quiet, it was NOT Christmas for any of us and to add insult to injury.... the weather warmed up the day before Christmas and by the end of Christmas day there was really no snow left!! well I guess that part felt like England!!!

In America boxing day is not a holiday, they do not know what it is and many people were back to work or shopping on the 26th! However Christmas eve IS a holiday and it seems a lot of people open their gifts Christmas even and not Christmas day.
They also don't eat mince pies!! While we did find some in World Foods, they were not in every shop and people thought it a strange novelty to be offered them.
They don't generally have Christmas crackers either!! We did eventually find some but they had cheap nasty gifts in them. We still bought them and enjoyed them but we prefer and actually useable token gift.
Christmas pudding is also not done! Some people might rejoice in this, but I actually like it and think I'll have to order in advance next year to get one.

Next year we may go on holiday as if its going to be different, it may as well be really different rather than lonely...or we may try to go back to the UK even if it means almost no presents for the kids... I think they would be happy with that trade!

I think if you have friends or family here to spend it with, Christmas could be great, but if you move here after usually having a big family Christmas and dont have anyone else to spend it with, it will be quiet and a little lonely. Of course for some people this could be heaven.

What on Earth is there to eat?

Silly question right?
After all this is a land of plenty!!
It is, its is, but its also very different than what you might be used to from home.

Considering we are from another 'western' English speaking country the last thing we expected was to find, finding food hard!

I think it was my third visit to the shops that I broke down and cried! I didn't recognize a single brand, I couldn't get things that to us were staples easily. I couldn't work out what was semi healthy. I was tired of spending ages trying to figure out if my chicken was full or hormones and antibiotics... I was tired of eating American!

Okay we can get a lot of the same things... but they are NOT the same things!!

For example baked beans.... yes they sell baked beans, but they are all full of brown sugar or maple syrup! No run of the mill, tomato sauce, fairly healthy baked beans.
Also no back bacon, they have streaky full of fat bacon or Canadian bacon which is more like a slice of ham.
Lots of sausages but all very fatty or they are full or cheese or made from turkey... no Cumberland sausages, no low fat pork sausages.
The cottage cheese is usually small curd and runny and nothing like in the UK.
The Cheddar Cheese is plastic... okay we did find real and very good cheese eventually but it wasn't straight forward.
Even the bread,,,, the whole grain bread is full of sugar, so much so you can taste it... its good... but not good for you!
The soup is ALL too salty (at least to date we can't find a decent tin or soup) and many of the raw meats are pumped full of hormones, antibiotics or flavoring!!! Yes flavoring added to the meat for you.

So from the above, and that list is not exhaustive, you can I hope imagine that shopping the first few times was hard!

Another difference and surprise was that food is NOT cheaper here! Everyone said it would be. Even the Americans keep asking us if we love how cheap food is!! We really do not find this and in some cases its actually more money. For example in the UK own brand items tended to be very very cheap. some cookies, beans, spaghetti hoops etc. could be bought for 15-30 pence which was great for people on a budget! Here even your own brand items are approx double that price. Organic milk in the UK used to set me back about 3 pounds (4 dollars ish) but here for the same amount its around $6 (5 pounds ish). Don't let that put you off though, eating out, some clothing and petrol is generally a bit cheaper, which we think in the long run balances things out a bit. Also coupons are big news here and yes I HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN a woman in line ahead of me take a $500 bill down to zero!!!! I was in awe!!! I have myself knocked off $30 from a shop through coupons. They are available online on apps and in the local paper. It takes time, but if you have to or need to save money... this is a great way to do it.

It took time and we are still learning, but we have discovered some food shops do have 'world food' isles and within them often, beans, tea, hob nobs!! and various other UK items can be found. They do come at a price, but sometimes for a taste of home this is okay!

The main food shops in our area are Jewel Osco, Meijer, Walmart, Aldi and Whole foods.

Whole foods is a completely organic food shop with raw items gluten/sugar/dairy free items every item you can imagine. Its not a little shop and its not just an isle of healthy items. The whole store is dedicated to good healthy food... however its expensive!! At almost double to price of many other stores. If you have the money or feel organic food is a top priority, then this shop you will love!!

Jewel Osco I believe can be compared to Tesco or Sainsbury (although no toy isles). It is a pretty middle of the range food shop which can be found everywhere. Personally I don't like it. I dont think the range of items is very good and while there are big and small stores I often find, I can't find what I want or I know I can get it cheaper elsewhere. However I think for many people this could be a go to shop. They do occasionally discount meat which is soon to run out and this is MUCH better than in the UK, rather than knocking off a few pennies it will be on sale for half the price and sometimes less, we have had some great meat, so look out for it! Also they do great frozen pizza which rivals any take out!

Aldi, is much like Aldi in the UK a lower price store where you need to supply your own bags. I really like Aldi here much more than I did in the UK, maybe partly because it has a European feel to it, but defiantly also because while they are cheaper you can still get some organic and free range items. Like in the UK they usually only have one or two brands of any type of food, but as we didn't recognize any brands here anyhow this was not an issue. Our local store is not that big but I can get most things there and feel it saves a good deal of money.

Walmart is an everything store! Its got all your food, clothing, toys, camping items, tires and even... guns!!! The food section in most is pretty big and you can get some bulk items here. Due to it being an 'everything' shop. I find some food items are limited but overall it has a good range. Some people avoid Walmart as apparently they do not treat workers well. So if this is important to you, you may want to research it before you shop there.

Meijer is a little like Walmart. They have everything!! However I feel, at least for my local store, that the range is better and so are the prices. This along with Aldi is where I do most of my food shopping. I feel there is a good range of healthy products and the prices are better than most places.

You will also find food in places like Target but this is in my experience a limited range and expensive.

Now don't get me wrong, its not all bad, they have some very tasty food. I LOVE pumpkin pie and pecan pie for example. Its just that it is a culture shock and if you are moving here from anywhere and are expecting it to be the same it IS a genuine shock.

Finally if you have guests coming to visit from home I suggest asking them to bring you some favorite items like OXO cubes, Beans, tea, celebrations, quality street etc. or you can visit Canada for some of this... their food is much more like in the UK and you can get beans, oxo, quality street and a few other home foods.

The downside of not knowing the food and finding it full of sugar is that both my husband and myself have gained a lot of weight. Hidden fat and sugar in items we thought healthy has been hard work, but we are sweeping things out and slowly getting there. The main message from this is not to assume that as a western country it will have the same foods.

The long hot summer

So we are just coming to the close of the summer. The mornings are just starting to have an edge to them and while the days are still hot you can feel a shift!

So how was the summer?

In May we were the only people outside at night enjoying the evening. In hind site we must have looked like lunatics! It felt good to us, much like a summer evening in England when it starts to get just a little nippy... By mid June we understood why no one was out in May!!! Evenings were as hot as English summer days and the temp at night only got warmer throughout the summer, even to the point where it was too hot to sit out at night, hot and humid at times... certainly way too hot for the fire pit to be lit!

We began to understand why so many Americans don't go abroad for holidays and sometimes don't even go away anywhere. The summers ARE hot, the sun does shine most of the time and if you have a pool... well why pay to go to a hot country... when you are in one!

You will also find wildlife like you have not seen before. This summer we have had our garden filled nightly with fireflies, for about a 6 weeks in early summer. We have seen chipmunks, Herons, very large hawks, golden eagles, red and yellow finches, hummingbirds, snakes (not in the garden) and even a raccoon. But with the good comes the bad... mosquitoes are a real pain.... we have all be bitten to shreds at some point and they can ruin an evening. We found mosquito incense burners work well and some sprays but nothings seems foolproof. i think we may invest in a bug light next year!

We took a road trip this summer.
We drove first to Canada and across to the mountains, visiting friends and family as we went. We then went through the mountains back into the USA and headed home crossing Montana, part of Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota and Wisconsin. I can tell you... some of this country is beautiful... Glaciers, caves, mountains, wild animals big and small... so beautiful and some is so painfully boring as its flat and very very big!!!
Montana took many hours over two days to drive across, and many or those many hours were intensely, painfully boring due to the vast expanse of nothingness. Also as I said its hot here and one night while camping it was 100F overnight (37c) which made sleeping very difficult, it was like sleeping in a sauna!!!!!
If you are interested in road trips I would say, there were times it was really interesting... the mountains and glaciers, mount Rushmore  (although we just took pictures and moved on) and camping in various spots, making a fire, paddling in lakes was fun, but... don't be fooled into thinking there is something exciting round every bend.... there is not and we had many hours at a time where there was nothing to see or do. We have a DVD player in the car so had movies for the kids, books, also activity books, puzzle games and we all played car games, and we tried to stop every couple of hours to stretch legs, get a drink or something to eat.

We learned that there are some amazing beaches around here, as good as any beach in the Mediterranean and fresh water too!! The kids loved that. They hate sea water so this was bliss for us all.

There are lots of outdoor pools, most with a few slides and Raging waves water park which was quite fun. There are also lots of forests, canyons and creeks to walk along or wade in.

Camp grounds are not like in the UK, many have pools, even hot tubs, arranged games and other activities. You can choose basic proper camping but if you want to give the kids a thrill you can also have a very... entertaining experience.

Americans love to celebrate everything. This is great because it meant there was something going on pretty much every weekend! From large festivals to small fairs, and even better, many of the activities were free! free bouncy castles, free petting zoos, free live bands. We were able to do a lot without too much expense.

Now its October and the weather has started to turn, but there are still a few hot days left and there are still events going on all the time. I feel summers are longer, you defiantly get to have more of an outdoor lifestyle, but there are times when its unbearable too.

Adjusting and the struggle with friends

The trouble with moving abroad or anywhere in reality is... kids.
Everyone tells you kids are adaptable and will settle in before you know it... but the grim reality is that may be true for some, but is not true for all! There is pain and baggage and regression.

My 12 year old is not making friends. She has only met two girls on the block who are her age and one girl seems only interested when my child has something to offer. L has quickly realized this and has backed off, but is still getting hurt as she came up with an idea for all the kids to make lip scrubs and this other girl then went away and made them with other kids... but without my daughter.
The second girl is nice but a competitive swimmer and nearly always away training or at meets. L talks to her a bit online but rarely sees her and has decided the girl doesn't really want to be her friend.
We joined a home school group and she has met some kids there, but no-one fits the bestie spot and even if they did, they mainly live too far away. We still have clubs to try, but I am feeling very sad for her. She thinks she will never make friends. She thinks its because she didn't start school... but even if we had taken that route right away... school broke up for the holidays only a few weeks after we moved in.

My younger daughter is meeting lots of kids her age, but some seem kinda mean... blaming her for anything that goes wrong... she's new its easy to blame her. She has met a couple who are really nice and sweet and is doing better with them. However she is wetting herself like a small child at the moment... sometimes several times a day. She says she knows she has to go but just doesn't. I think it is all the upset of moving... she is starting to smell sometimes. I don't want the kids to stop playing with her!

My toddler just gets on with it, but even there i have guilt that i am not this perfect crafty mum who always has ideas and activities. I feel like ideas are hard to come by at the moment... mums need friends too. I have chatted to a few people and did have a night out with ladies who are somewhat local to the area. I think I am doing okay to be honest, I fill the weeks and sometimes have people to chat to, but no-one close... of course not its too early.

UPDATE
My 12 year old starts school in 2 days, my 7 year old has found another group of kids who are much nicer and my son has a couple of little friends living near by. Its not yet perfect but getting better.

We had a three week break in the UK not for happy reasons but as my mum died un expectedly. I have been very worried the time back with friends would take the kids back a few steps but so far so good they are coping and not complaining.

UPDATE
We are now 4 weeks into school and L has made one friend who has been over. She is a bit more positive now but still no real solid friends... its been 7 months and thats hard for a kid. She joined hip hop and poms locally but found the poms was all younger kids and dropped out before she even started. She found the hip hop is also a bit younger and her teacher doesn't seem to actually be teaching much! Another fail for my older daughter!! This is hard and sad as Im running out of options. My husband is looking at joining a local drama group and I want her to go also, plus we have decided to try some hobbies together just to keep her occupied. She has started to become obsessed with online friends and making instagram videos and is isolating herself... this needs to stop

My younger daughter has a nice group of friends now and has stopped wetting herself!! She is much better tempered and rarely mentions her old friends anymore. I feel like there is finally progress there. She also joined dance and is doing very well.

My toddler sees kids his age 1-2 times a week and I think I need to get him into a group, but overall he's fine and has two sisters who adore him and are often happy to play with him, so I have no major worries there.

I have a couple of friends and am going to a painting and wine class on Friday which I hope will be fun and expand my group!! The local mums are nice but not very inclusive and I find I am having to make all the effort with people. Its hard when your shy anyhow!! I mention this as its not just about the kids settling in and making friends... that does make a huge difference, but if like me, you need people and relationships, its hard when they are few and far between. I have suffered from depression at various times this year, and recently very badly, but I think thats mainly to do with my mum unexpectedly dying. I like being here. I really do, but its not all fun and games! Lets be realistic... it was never going to be!


UPDATE
My 12 year old is starting to make more friends. Its just been Halloween and while I had to push her into asking another girl to trick or treat with her the girl said yes and they had a lot of fun! She also seems a bit more confident at school. She won an award and has been recommended for the honors class for one of her subjects. This has helped her confidence and I can see a bit of her coming back. She is spending more time with the family again and is a little less isolated. I am still worried as things are far from perfect but I feel there is improvement. I find we need to do things every weekend though as if we have a lazy day at home she starts to feel depressed and lonely. Fortunately we love being busy, so it works out!

My 8 year old continues to have many good friends and never a lack of kids to play with. She loves dance and as she is home schooled also takes a sewing class, sign language class and cooking class, so spends a lot of time with other kids. She still misses her friends and recently face timed one of her best friends... interestingly I felt it was a slightly awkward conversation for the first time and wondered if they are moving apart a bit now.

My son turns three next week and has three kids coming for a mini party. He loves playing with other kids but only has interaction a couple times a week so I think its time to start looking at nursery or preschool 1-2 mornings a week. Maybe after Christmas!

When we arrived

So we arrived in Chicago on Feb 12th, a car was waiting to take us to our temporary corporate housing in Naperville. The flat had looked nice online, and was not a disappointment when we arrived. Nice, well decorated flat with a view over a golf course, near a few shops and restaurants. we felt lucky to have it for the first 8 weeks, and after about a week,  did actually consider staying there permanently as it had a gym and an outdoor pool and was in what seemed like a good location.

However, our opinion changed... despite the people below us having small kids, they would bang on the roof every time my 2 year old ran around or played. I became tearful and angry on more than one occasion! We were also up two flights of steps and i began dreading bringing the shopping home as I would have to make 3-4 trips down to the car!! Great workout though i suppose!

It was a nice flat, very nice, but for us, not a family place. No play areas for kids, not walking distance to any parks, huge road running in front of the complex and the nearby shops where mainly restaurants and spas. I didn't have my own car for 7 weeks, so shared Gareth's company car which meant everyone up at 6am to drive him to work and then ending any activity at 3pm so we could pick him up.

We also could not join any clubs for the kids as we had no idea where we would be living. We did join the children museum, which we have used 4 times in the 3 months we have been here and I believe will get our moneys worth out of it. We also joined a home school group in Plainfield as the kids couldn't join a school until we had a permanent residence and they needed to meet kids. This has been great as every Tuesday we go to the group and every second Thursday they would go roller skating with the group. We did attend the library for toddler time a couple of times but it was not my thing. The lady who reads the books and does the songs puts on a high pitched squeaky voice and is way over the top for me. I found it rather annoying.

We were lucky that a former coworker of my husbands who also moved with her husband and the same company told us to get in touch. I took her up on it and have really enjoyed that contact. For me it has made life so much more bearable. She introduced me to events and people and has been very kind. She also has a son the same age as mine and so we have common ground. I would like to think we are and will be real friends, but am not yet sure if it is just circumstance.

From the start it has been a busy life! Looking for homes, cars, furniture! Trying to keep 3 kids busy and as happy as possible without their friends and with little social contact. It has not been fun all the time... I learned to hate car shopping and furniture shopping for example although I thought that part would be really fun!
I have struggled with the foods which are all full of sugar and salt and no brands are the same! I am still struggling to accept the high taxes we pay when we still have to pay for garbage removal and health care and car tax and pay fees to go to school. It really is all about the money!!! But while I am being negative and depressing I should add:
Any second hand car with over 100,000 on the clock will have no warrantee or guarantee and you could walk off the lot with a lemon and nothing to protect your investment!
Having a trampoline or paddle pool is not simple either as many insurance companies require a fence and even if you have one and someone comes and uses them without permission and then  gets hurt you may still be liable... madness!!
Bills are more expensive here and when you first move you have zero credit even if you have great credit in the UK!!! Which means you start from scratch and the result is no-one wants to give you a phone contract, car insurance etc. so... my car insurance is stupidly high. Its frustrating.

But don't believe its all bad, there is lots of good too! The activities for kids are great, so much variety for all ages from Lego clubs, to baking and sewing and camera clubs as well as all the sport. Much more than in the UK.
The library has better services and groups for kids to join.
There are some lovely hikes and you don't have to pay for the privilege of viewing these natural occurrences like you often do in the UK.
People are generally happy to help and the moms forums will answer all questions you have in a much more helpful way than anything i found in the UK.
Petrol is much cheaper also and some food... but not organic, which is more widely available but costs more than it does in the UK by a lot!
The weather has been all over the place with snow one day and blazing sun the next, crazy storms followed by hot days. but I am told that is typical spring and soon summer will hit and it will be warm but humid most of the summer!! Can not wait, you can tell we are the British as every hint of warm we have been outside around the fire pit or BBQing.... unlike our neighbors in all directions who probably think we are mad, but even the cool evenings now are pretty UK summer like!

The kids have been very good, but its not been easy for them. Its not been easy for us! They miss their friends and my younger daughter has been wetting the bed, she is sad inside and her joyful nature seems somewhat less. She gets mad more easily and upset often. My older daughter is sometimes better as she had some bad influences and unkind people in her life before and being away from that has been a good thing, but she has times when she also cries for no reason or gets mad and she is always wanting to buy things... I think to make herself feel better! Its hard.

Anyhow after nearly 8 weeks in temporary accommodation we moved to Oswego, which we decided on as its got great schools but is also a bit cheaper than Plainfield and Naperville. The kids have met local kids. Lots of girls my younger daughters age on our block... not many my older daughters age... she still has not made friends. My younger daughter plays outside 2-3 times a week, but it is early days and no solid friendships have formed, no real bonding. I hope when school breaks up in 10 days or so that, that changes. That she play out often and makes great friends! I also hope my older daughter meets older kids. I will be signing them up to dance soon and swimming and again hope this means they will make friends! Its my biggest hope and my biggest worry!

Freaking out - Moving with kids

I feel like an emotional wreak as its started... the tears, mainly from my 7 year old have started. Her small group of friends is her world.... 'her family', as she keeps telling me, and now its January and the move is this year... she can't cope!
I can't cope with her not coping!
I feel so dreadful for dragging her away from the 'loves of her life'. Okay I know, I know... she will get over it and adjust and forget this life... but right now I feel like we are being terribly unkind! I want to cry :( actually I am crying.
I don't really have a clue how to make this okay but I am researching. So far I am toying with the following ideas to ease the move:
- Throwing a slumber party for each daughter (my son is only 2 so is not worried). They invite their 5 best friends and have a party night all about them. Children asked to bring a photo of themselves for the scrapbook along with contact details. We have an instant camera, so take lots of pics to keep and to give to their friends.
- Leaving party for all our friends and family. Food, drink, disco. Have a guestbook so friends can write messages mainly for the kids. Have an address book so we can make sure our friends details are up to date.
- They both have cameras and are being encouraged to take photos which will be added to the scrap book.
- When we leave to go to the hotel (where we will stay the night before we fly) the kids will be presented with plastic champagne flutes with appetiser to drink and a surprise bag with fun bits to do and read. At the hotel we will take them for a swim, have a nice dinner and take a bunch of silly pics for the scrap book.
- When we arrive I want to enrol them in classes quickly so they meet kids and are kept busy.
- I have exploratory fun activities planned and have formed a list of things around Chicago that I want to do with them at some stage in the year.
- As we have to homeschool at least to start with I have found a group to join as soon as we move!

I did not end this post as we got busy moving, and HAVE now moved. From the above I did:

let each girl have a slumber party with besties. They made a canvass together with decorated hand prints and messages, that the girls now have hanging in their rooms.

My 7 year old also invited all her class to a soft play date a week before we moved, about half the class turned up for one final play together! Some brought gifts and she felt very special.

My 12 year old had a 'photo booth' leaving party with buffet, camera and silly outfits. They took about 200 pics and had a great time. She also was spoilt by friends with unexpected leaving gifts.

We did not gussy up the trip to the hotel for the night before, but we did have a nice meal with my sister in law at the hotel (she helped drive down with all our luggage).

I did buy magazines and activities for the plane, but they were actually excited at this point for the adventure ahead (no that was not the end of the tears, but we had a moment peace). 

Next for our arrival.

In the begining

In the beginning.... in the beginning was over a year ago now! The day we received a cryptic call from an old friend and colleague asking my husband to meet him in London, not as a social call but to discuss a proposal!
A proposal!!!??
Instant excitement... our friend of 20 years knew we eventually wanted to move to North America (where I grew up) and a 'proposal' sounded extremely promising!
Gareth met Mark on the 14th of December 2014 to discuss the proposal... here Mark told my husband Gareth that a position had become available in Chicago in a branch of the company that Mark worked in and if interested, they would be interested in talking to Gareth!
We had a very short conversation about what to do and almost immediately said we would like to apply for this position. Oh the excitement we both felt, I was virtually bursting for weeks! The only problem was that they wanted Gareth early in 2015... March/April time. It was my 11 year olds last year at primary school and not only did we not want to withdraw her from school at such a critical stage for academic reasons but also because there was a residential trip booked for her class to mark the last 3 days of primary school it was very important for her to attend and complete that chapter of her life.
It seemed so important then not to interrupt their schooling and so we thought I would stay behind until the summer holidays and then join Gareth out in Chicago... in hind site this would have been a very bad thing for, well, probably all of us, but most certainly me!
With the prospect of Gareth leaving in March we thought it would be a whirlwind once Christmas was over and so, in eager anticipation, we set about deciding what we would keep and what we didn't really want. Searching up houses and school and joining every expat forum available. I was still on maternity leave at this time,  although I had accepted a new job due to start in the New Year and I had to decide if I could cope on my own with three kids and working with my husband overseas.
We decided I would make it work even if only for a time and besides I would have three months before I had to worry about that juggling act.
Well January came I started my new job, we waited for the US office to open and gave them a week to get back into the swing of work and then... no phone call, so we called Mark, our contact and he assured us we would hear soon. Another week went by. We called again... what was happening? Again told we would hear soon... another week and another, someone was talking to the office in the UK, someone else was putting a package together, then someone was waiting on information from another department... another week went by... Long story short we waited months... literal months... painful tear filled months where we were fed tiny tid bits of information but nothing ever seemed to actually happen and promises of information and interviews and visits to see Chicago never formed and yet they always said 'next week'... next week... next week!!!!!
Soon it was June, we were arguing... a lot... did we book a holiday or wait to see what happened? Did I start selling toys and household items or wait? Did I tell my job? did I book more ballet lessons for the girls? Did we start thinking about summer birthdays? Did we get dental records and doctors records? Should the school know? So many questions to think about and so much to organise and yet we were literally unable to make even simple decisions about what to do with the kids in the summer holidays or even if I could confirm kids attendance to friends parties as we didn't know if we would be around.... our stress levels were high as our life was simply on hold!!! No moving forward or even sideways!
Then we got a phone call that left us devastated... the company had decided on a necessary global restructure and they no longer knew if they could support the relocation... six months of being dragged along and then the carpet pulled from under our feet! Six months of not knowing if next week we would finally get the call we were told we would get or if the interview would be arranged or the visit set up... six months of  intense emotional struggle.... maybe HR had known about the restructure and this is why they were so slow with information and arrangements, maybe it was brewing so they kept us on the back burner... Whatever it was, after this news and many tears we took an emotional break and a holiday in the sun and decided to move on with life and if they came back to us, as we were told they might in August, great!!! and if they didn't... well it was a nice idea and at least now we knew how important moving really was to us.
We had a few weeks of feeling more at rest. I still was looking at houses and praying as I realised my new job was not really what I wanted and I needed to know if I should quit and look for a new job or hold on as we would be moving. I wanted to believe there was still hope.
There was... mid July we got another phone call; they still had the budget and still wanted Gareth!!! Dubious and nervous we began the process again, from the start, but somehow this time there was more urgency. There were interviews!! There was a trip arranged in early October which went very well: Chicago is a lovely accessible city and although we were in the suburbs we still were able to get into the city and back at a fraction of the cost it would be to travel from where we live now into London... the distance being near enough the same! We enjoyed the shopping, the children's museums and the zoo and returned to the UK feeling that we could easily be at home in the USA.
It's December now, the process from July to now has not been much quicker than it was when this all began, the only difference is we have had actual facts and figures being fed to us now and importantly we had our Visa interview in London at the Embassy... and Visa's are ready to collect tomorrow!!!
Next post will look more at what we had to do to get to this point.