The trouble with moving abroad or anywhere in reality is... kids.
Everyone tells you kids are adaptable and will settle in before you know it... but the grim reality is that may be true for some, but is not true for all! There is pain and baggage and regression.
My 12 year old is not making friends. She has only met two girls on the block who are her age and one girl seems only interested when my child has something to offer. L has quickly realized this and has backed off, but is still getting hurt as she came up with an idea for all the kids to make lip scrubs and this other girl then went away and made them with other kids... but without my daughter.
The second girl is nice but a competitive swimmer and nearly always away training or at meets. L talks to her a bit online but rarely sees her and has decided the girl doesn't really want to be her friend.
We joined a home school group and she has met some kids there, but no-one fits the bestie spot and even if they did, they mainly live too far away. We still have clubs to try, but I am feeling very sad for her. She thinks she will never make friends. She thinks its because she didn't start school... but even if we had taken that route right away... school broke up for the holidays only a few weeks after we moved in.
My younger daughter is meeting lots of kids her age, but some seem kinda mean... blaming her for anything that goes wrong... she's new its easy to blame her. She has met a couple who are really nice and sweet and is doing better with them. However she is wetting herself like a small child at the moment... sometimes several times a day. She says she knows she has to go but just doesn't. I think it is all the upset of moving... she is starting to smell sometimes. I don't want the kids to stop playing with her!
My toddler just gets on with it, but even there i have guilt that i am not this perfect crafty mum who always has ideas and activities. I feel like ideas are hard to come by at the moment... mums need friends too. I have chatted to a few people and did have a night out with ladies who are somewhat local to the area. I think I am doing okay to be honest, I fill the weeks and sometimes have people to chat to, but no-one close... of course not its too early.
UPDATE
My 12 year old starts school in 2 days, my 7 year old has found another group of kids who are much nicer and my son has a couple of little friends living near by. Its not yet perfect but getting better.
We had a three week break in the UK not for happy reasons but as my mum died un expectedly. I have been very worried the time back with friends would take the kids back a few steps but so far so good they are coping and not complaining.
UPDATE
We are now 4 weeks into school and L has made one friend who has been over. She is a bit more positive now but still no real solid friends... its been 7 months and thats hard for a kid. She joined hip hop and poms locally but found the poms was all younger kids and dropped out before she even started. She found the hip hop is also a bit younger and her teacher doesn't seem to actually be teaching much! Another fail for my older daughter!! This is hard and sad as Im running out of options. My husband is looking at joining a local drama group and I want her to go also, plus we have decided to try some hobbies together just to keep her occupied. She has started to become obsessed with online friends and making instagram videos and is isolating herself... this needs to stop
My younger daughter has a nice group of friends now and has stopped wetting herself!! She is much better tempered and rarely mentions her old friends anymore. I feel like there is finally progress there. She also joined dance and is doing very well.
My toddler sees kids his age 1-2 times a week and I think I need to get him into a group, but overall he's fine and has two sisters who adore him and are often happy to play with him, so I have no major worries there.
I have a couple of friends and am going to a painting and wine class on Friday which I hope will be fun and expand my group!! The local mums are nice but not very inclusive and I find I am having to make all the effort with people. Its hard when your shy anyhow!! I mention this as its not just about the kids settling in and making friends... that does make a huge difference, but if like me, you need people and relationships, its hard when they are few and far between. I have suffered from depression at various times this year, and recently very badly, but I think thats mainly to do with my mum unexpectedly dying. I like being here. I really do, but its not all fun and games! Lets be realistic... it was never going to be!
UPDATE
My 12 year old is starting to make more friends. Its just been Halloween and while I had to push her into asking another girl to trick or treat with her the girl said yes and they had a lot of fun! She also seems a bit more confident at school. She won an award and has been recommended for the honors class for one of her subjects. This has helped her confidence and I can see a bit of her coming back. She is spending more time with the family again and is a little less isolated. I am still worried as things are far from perfect but I feel there is improvement. I find we need to do things every weekend though as if we have a lazy day at home she starts to feel depressed and lonely. Fortunately we love being busy, so it works out!
My 8 year old continues to have many good friends and never a lack of kids to play with. She loves dance and as she is home schooled also takes a sewing class, sign language class and cooking class, so spends a lot of time with other kids. She still misses her friends and recently face timed one of her best friends... interestingly I felt it was a slightly awkward conversation for the first time and wondered if they are moving apart a bit now.
My son turns three next week and has three kids coming for a mini party. He loves playing with other kids but only has interaction a couple times a week so I think its time to start looking at nursery or preschool 1-2 mornings a week. Maybe after Christmas!
